My beloved daughter,
I can totally understand what you mean. I had similar thoughts that everything will change after the lockdown and I still believe it in a way...
But I can also see people rushing to go back to what they had before... It's like they had a nightmare and now it's over.
These words: "I don't want that. I want to have a profound change." are your words and have such a power that you cannot imagine!
I can understand the disappointment you might have once you realise that the world is returning to the same old situation it always was, but you see this is a perpetual pattern of human history… The majority always have the same feeling after wars and other destructions, people want to return to something familiar but the irony is that the ‘familiar’ they will go back to, it will be also different. The change will be so subtle that you have to be very observant to notice it.
The world changes, slowly but it changes and this is happening for many centuries now. We are in a better position than ever before, human rights, technology, internet, even our collective human consciousness has improved.
You don’t have to compare yourself with the rest of the world. What I understood so far is that nobody can understand how you feel, only you can understand yourself and what you need. You will be lucky if you find some people that will understand you, sometimes our family cannot understand our needs that’s why we have to do it for ourselves, the rest of the people in our life (unfortunately for them) have to accept it.
There are two things that you can do in my opinion:
1. ‘Invest’ in yourself
2. “Invest” in like-minded people
Be careful though when I say invest in yourself I don’t mean to do it from a western perspective but from a deep understanding of what you really need to be well. Maybe it is a time-period that you need to invest in yourself in a way that our western culture cannot see it as an ‘investment’, because most probably you won’t get something in return…
Investing in yourself could mean spending time alone or wasting time, doing a hobby that you love, mastering a skill that you always wanted to master even if that skill is useless… Investing in yourself could also be daily relaxing and calming down, daily exercise, healthy eating and daily routine that can make you a better person.
You see, it is a cultural construct the idea that we do something that will lead us in a better place… We don’t do something because it will lead us somewhere, we do something because we want to do it… There is no other reason! Steve Jobs used to say “You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life”.